Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
