He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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