I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
