Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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