They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
