I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
