I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
