are you still at the devil's house?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
operation have a gay friend backfired
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
