Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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