I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
