so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
