I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
