dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i've created a new STD.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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