I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
