It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
