Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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