The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you had me at cake vodka
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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