Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
