When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
