whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
