i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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