i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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