and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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