holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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