i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
