I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
