A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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