i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
