You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
