please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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