And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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