Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
