so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
