4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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