just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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