Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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