Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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