I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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