you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were trust falling into bushes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
