So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A+ Viking dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
