Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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