Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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