I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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