dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
