There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
