Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
