I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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