I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
