The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
