There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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