I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
